Parking Ticket Pt. 2

YES!!! I DID IT! I TOLD you I was gonna give someone the ticket envelope, and BOY DID I GIVE IT TO HIM!!! (refer to yesterday's entry "Parking Ticket")

HAHA, WOO!!!! I've been holding onto this F'ing parking ticket envelope for 24 hours, and I've been looking EVERYWHERE for a car that was badly parked. BUT I couldn't find any BADLY PARKED CARS! Ooohhh, it was burning me up all day yesterday and all day today...UNTIL: Lunch Time. I finally had it. I couldn't be patient ANY MORE. SO here's what I did:

I just found a parked car that I could see from my office window. This car wasn't parked badly at all, but I DIDN'T CARE! I just stuck it under the windshield wiper and LEFT! The note inside said,

"I bet your heart is beating NOW, FUCKO!!! This'll teach you to never park like a BAD DRIVER again!"

HAHA! WOW, I was so excited, YES!!! This was one of the BEST PRANKS EVER!!! Now, I wanted to write about this as SOON AS I got back to my office, but I wanted to wait and see who drives the car, and better yet, SEE THEIR EXPRESSION when they see that they got a TICKET!

Well, unfortunately, the owner of the car just walked up to his car and got in it and immediately pulled away, so that sucks. But YOU KNOW he'll be crapping his pants when he notices the ticket in the middle of driving!

Psst!! I smell a car wreck! YES!!!

Cake and Cock

A homeless man on the street just informed me that he has "tons" of cake and cock, and he's fresh out of cake. What the F does that mean?!!!

Parking Ticket

I found a parking ticket on my car this past weekend, which really got me "T.O.'d" But when I opened up the envelope, there was just a note in it that said,

"This is for parking like an asshole. Next time you park, make sure you're not taking up TWO spots!"

WOW. I was so ashamed, yet relieved it wasn't a real ticket. It's pretty funny to think that someone saved their envelope from a ticket THEY received in the past, only to use it to scare someone. I'm going to start doing that, and DON'T WORRY...I WILL let you know about it! YES!!! I'm going to try to find someone parking like an A-HOLE this week! YES!!!

AND...I LEARNED MY LESSON, and I will be more aware of how I park.

The Finger

Okay...WOW. I was coming back from a meeting this morning, I'm driving on Santa Monica Blvd, just about to turn onto Wilshire Blvd, and there's this little brat in the backseat of his mommy's Volvo, right next to me, flicking me off! I could NOT believe my eyes! This lil' Mr. "My-shit-don't-stink" was NOT going to get away with THIS, YES!!! So I slammed on my horn and swerved a little closer to the car. The mom screams at me, cursing, saying she has a child in the back. SO that's when I told her,

"YES, I know that! That's why I wanted to talk to you! Your son gave me the finger. Do you know that THAT means 'FUCK YOU'? Don't you think your son is TOO YOUNG to comprehend the "F word"? Thank you!"

And I just sped away! YES!!! Oooh, he's going to GET IT when they get home! If only I had a picture of how livid that mom was. She's probably going to PUNISH him hard. That's why you don't mess with me, because I get SO EVEN, especially when I'm coming back from a meeting! YES!!!

T.J. Hooker

I just found out that T.J. Hooker was a show that I would have probably watched when I was younger. Basically, my mother didn't allow me to watch it because she thought T. J. Hooker was about a Mexican Prostitute. BUT IT'S SO NOT! T.J. Hooker was about two police officers tracking criminals and enforcing the law. I called my mother to tell her this news, but she claims she never heard of the show. I wonder if it's on DVD, YES!!!

Hameem

WOW, I just ran into a gentleman who goes by the name, "Hameem". I met him at a gas station in Beverly Hills today. This is REALLY FUNNY... when he was talking to me and I was paying for gas, I SWEAR, I was thinking of saying, "Yeah, I know what you "meem." I DIDN'T say it, but OH, that would have been hilarious! And he wouldn't have noticed what I was saying! YES!!! (I was saying "meem", which is the last syllable of his name!)

Okay, so we're up to a whopping 700!!!

YES! Oh lordy, I am TOO xstatic to express the joy exploding all over my body. Floods of seminal fluid bursting like flavor crystals from every pore. Gang, the day is coming SOON! We will have the ULTIMATE in cabbage hunting. We're still locking in the month, but I am aiming for an early May 2008 adventure. Brethren, we are officially up to... (take a big breath) ... (now punch yourself in the dick bag or sin lips)...700 attendees! YES! YES! The scent of this is is already catching the press's olfactory! Too bad it's only the Canadian press. It's "aboot" time to spread the word, followers. We need this to spread like crunchy genital granola with creamy nugat. I tell you this now, if we pass the 1,000 marker by, say, July 4th... I am going to hold a great, great party for anyone who can make the trek to southern California. I mean it! I SO mean it! I will have fireworks, beer, a place to stay overnight (if needed), good beach times, and sandy pudding! I know that all 1,000 will not be able to do this, but I'm sure, just by the results so far, that at LEAST 50-60 can make it. Let's think good things about this! MMmm, I am just really thinking about having some other nice things. But I'll hold back a tiny bit to not reveal this... OKAY, I can't hold it IN!!! I am so BAD!!! I am going to give everyone who comes, and get this: Night Vision Goggles for the GLOW PAINTBALL NIGHT!!! (of course your guns will be covered, too--pssst! ROCKING? YES!) So let's get this oatmeal in our mouths and stay so healthy until need to JUMP into GEAR! YES!